Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
