I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
