I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
