i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
