I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
