I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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