I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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