honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
In America we eat man semen.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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