just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
