Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
