You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
