worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I pour the whiskey from now on
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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