honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
