i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If I die, sorry about rent.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
