I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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