Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
