only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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