At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
