I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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