Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
