dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Enjoy the penises
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
