So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
