piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
