I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
