Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
