so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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