After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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