the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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