i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
