the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
