It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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