Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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