You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
