I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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