and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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