finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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