i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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