all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
