he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
