oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
