The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
