I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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