my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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