Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We left the knife in your bed.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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