Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
