And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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