My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
