I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
