There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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