It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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