I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
