please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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