There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
